This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
