Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
