how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
