Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
