He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
