mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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