I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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