We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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