Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
