It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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