Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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