i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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