i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
