@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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