about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
