Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
