somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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