She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
