Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
