Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I love you.
Bad choice
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
