Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
