Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
