Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
