She is in my trunk
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
