my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
