Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
