ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
