hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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