he was CRYING into my vagina
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
