Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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