Will you blow on my dice?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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