Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
