While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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