Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
