oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize