u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
