Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
