i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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