He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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