i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
