I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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