In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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