I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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