I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
