I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
