How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
