well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
