just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
