All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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