I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
