Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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