What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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