He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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